Monday, September 27, 2010

Dad

I wrote this for my dad. He died before I ever met him.

Why can't I be a writer? Why can't I do the one thing i yearn to do? To be good at? Why do my words come out so amateur, so plain? I want to be creative. I want to be inspirational. For my words to sound beautiful. A writer, that's all I wanted to be. Why can't I be the one thing I would love to do? I want to be more then just a mother and a wife. Though I love being those two things above all. I want to be me, an individual. I don't know who I am. What is my favorite color? Is it really yellow? My favorite movie? Song? Can you just tell me what they are and make it easier on me? So I feel like I kno myself. Who are you anyways? I want to live life. Not watch it pass by.I want to be good at something. At this.I have realized I can not force myself to be somehing I am not.Why can't I be though? Why have this urge to be a writer is I'm never going to be good at it?
I don't know you. I've seen your face only through the stillness of a photo. I've never heard your voice, but I assume it's one of love. I've never heard your laughter but your smile meets your eyes. I've never met you but I feel you. I've never known you.
You wrote, I try to write.
You listened, I listen.
I've done bad, but you've done worse.
You were lost, and at times I feel the same.
You're blood is my blood.
I've never seen you, I've never heard you, and I've never known you. Though I feel as if I know you as if we met. You're a bigger part of me then I would have known. And I don't know how I feel about that.


It was just something old I found in one of my notebooks. I tend to buy different notebooks start to write nad never finish or stray from it cause I get so frustrated so I have tons of notebooks with things written here and there. lol

16 comments:

Ashley said...

It's really beautiful and so honest. There are parts I could have written myself, I feel the same way. I'm sorry you never met your dad. :( Thanks for sharing.

Discovering the Me in Mommy said...

I think it's interesting to find things we've written in the past and to consider where we've been since. Sorry to hear about your dad, but I'm sure he'd be very proud of you.

New follower from MBC! Stop by when you get a chance
http://discoveringthemeinmommy.blogspot.com

Amy said...

New follower from MBC!

-Amy
http://www.craftingbycandlelight.blogspot.com

Closer to Lucy said...

I found one like that I wrote mom before she past....with much of the same content....except I know how I feel about it!

You will too :)

New follower from MBC! Stop by when you get a chance
http://closertolucy.blogspot.com
Cheers!

Kari said...

Hi, I am a new follower from the Mom Blogger's Club. Hope you can stop by and visit my blog.

Kari

http://shining2save.com

MICHELL said...

Hi! Im stopping by from MBC...You can find me at girlinair.blogspot.com

CJ said...

I do the same. I had so many old journals I actually had to get rid of some, they were starting to take up too much space.

Reading old things, especially things so vulnerable and raw can really create a whole lot of complex feelings...you are really brave to post. Kudos.

CJ
Killing Superwoman

http://killsuperwoman@blogspot.com

My So Called Homeschool Life said...

I'm like that too with the notebooks. I have things written here, there, and everywhere. I'm not very organized!

New follower from MBC. Would love a follow back.

Ruthie Joyce
www.mysocalledhomeschoollife.com

Sharina said...

I do the same thing, I have so many notebooks...and so many of them with pieces left unfinished.

Loved this...it was sweet, honest, and just you. :)

You should go with me to a blogger conference!!! I'll send you more info.

Health and Fitness Fairy said...

I enjoyed my visit! Following you via Mom Bloggers Under 100 Followers.

My other blog looking for followers:
http://thekissablekitchen.blogspot.com

Have a healthy day!

Julie said...

I found you through MBC and am a follower now. I love what you wrote about your dad. I lost mine when I was 36 and it still wasn't enough time with him.
Visit me sometime at www.thestilishfamilytable.blogspot.com
Thanks!

Julia said...

wow. your words are so powerful. your dad is looking on you with love and joy! saw you post on our Working Mommy Bloggers group on mom bloggers club! so awesome to connect with more working moms!

Pink Diva said...

Hi, I lost my mom when I was five. It is so weird to me to watch mothers and daughters together. I have a ten year old daughter now and often wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a loving and nurturing mother.
I am over from Friends Following Friends to follow you. I would love to have your follow at www.pinkdivacafe.com
:)
Noel

Deana said...

Wow! Some of the most beautiful things are the most painful. That really touched my heart!

I found you from MBC:)

www.deanabarnhart.blogspot.com
www.momstheglue.blogspot.com

YayaOrchid said...

I come via MBC, and love your blog. That was beautiful writing!
I will be following you, hope you can visit my blog too.

furygirl3132 said...

What a beautiful post, thanks so much for sharing it.
I am a new follower from the Friends Following Friends group at MBC, so glad to have found your blog and I look forward to reading more. Hope you have a wonderful evening!

Eloise
Mommy2TwoGirls
http://mommy2twogirls.blogspot.com/